you asked me if i was “happy”
i can’t even explain the half of it…

you’ve disassembled my defenses 
left me borderline unbound 

the way you see me  
the way you smile 
the way you play with your hair 
when you think no one’s looking… 

i think i could sit and talk 
with you for days  
and never get tired 
of seeing your face 

you’re lovely in a t-shirt, 
in a dress,
in jeans with holes 
so your knees poke through
with you’re hair done up 
or let down or tossed 
coyly without a care 

i think i’d waste a hundred years 
just to make you laugh, to hear 
you speak, to watch you dance 
stringing flowers in your hands 

maybe i’m just foolish 
but i don’t think i’ve 
ever been this happy 
in a quiet, earnest bliss 

~weswallowthesun

you turn your head 
and curl your eyes 
beneath your thighs 
words were 
spoken by a glance, 
in a breathy sigh  
under a moist glass
as the ice melted 
a divorce from what 
the heart feels 
and what the mind 
knows it needs 
and feeds on 
the thin crust 
of a sparse
conversation 

~weswallowthesun

your canvas smile
etched
poised and pressed 
within the pores 
of my chest 
nearly skimming  
this heartskin

your acrylic eyes
ambling
that pierce and pry
splitting the moods 
of my mind 
faintly killing 
this apathy  

your benzine hands 
traced
cupped and laced 
proving the lies 
of my mouth 
coyly undoing 
this disguise  

~weswallowthesun

time will tell 
how well we age 
together 
how well we learn 
to bend 
to sing when 
life demands it 
to stay 
instead of run 
to hold 
instead of hide 
to love 
when love is lost 
to dream 
when dreams 
have died 
in dry arms 
to dry tears 
when tears 
have won 
we’ll let them win  
but move through 
and past 
until all lies 
behind 
and all remains 
fresh and pure  
and whole 

~weswallowthesun

where do passions go? 
we find them then lose them
then find them again 
in the coldest places, 
at the worst moments,
in the wrong time 

(the heart is too big to be bothered 
the heart is too weak to be worn)

wanting what we cannot have
having what we cannot let go
and what we have left 
should have been kept 
safe and secret and low 

~weswallowthesun

i see everything at once
within the creases 
of my palms 
at once, it’s lovely 
at once, it’s cold 
at once, all things at once

i see you fully 
even though 
you cannot 
see yourself 

you are young, forever 
young, forever 
in my mind

name me, name me 
i am nameless 

put a collar around 
my neck and you’ve 
tied a noose around 
your own 

you will know 
what i wish for 
you to know 
when i fill you 
with knowing  
when i fill you 
with my own 

you are not your own 
you brand, you stain 
you label your brain 
but you may never 
keep yourself 
in an echo on a sill 

all frequency, all chatter 
all laughter and whimper
heard and unheard 
seen and unseen 

do i have tears, do i have 
them
from what will i let them 
all depart 

you question, you unquestion 
you cannot create an answer 
you say what have i done 
i say, what have you 

to me 
all is but 1 + 1 = 2 
but you see 
nothing that i do 

your eyes have abandoned 
you since birth 
they slop in sand 
steeped in oil 

and you wonder why 
you cannot see 
you wonder why 

you stand when 
you should be 
ungrown 
but you are known 
because of me 

so why, why is it 
that i love 
why is it that i want 
why is it now 
why has it been 
why have i made 
and never unmade 

you may ask these
i will not say 

for i have not been
yet have always 

but know 
i love 
and know 
i will not 
unlove

you have not seen it 
until you have let me
and i will
if you let me
with all 
and all at once 

at all times, at all places
in thought, out of thought 
in space and time and outside 
before, within, beside

~weswallowthesun

i don’t know you 
i never will 
i try to listen, to bend 
my mind can only 
reach so far 
so plainly 
you go on, go on 
believing whatever 
it is that you do 
distinct as any 
of jupiter’s moons 
ganymede, callisto 
orbiting in ellipse 
only read 
about in books
you’ve been breathing 
oxygen for far too long 
knowing
you may never
come across 
something else  
so curious 
to sustain your lungs 
far better than 
i ever could 

~weswallowthesun

suddenly, i feel faint 
the walls of my body
breached
limbs, thoughts
adrift, tossing
in salty,
razor-tipped
crests; waves  
of time 
pinch and pry 
the skin from bone
tell me now 
is this all but
a vanishing act?
we’re sinking
sinking, sinking
below the ocean
deeper, deeper 
the monster 
has us maimed 
it’s fear, he
has a name 
the friends 
we forsook  
the regrets 
we believed  
we’d bury 
with every 
broken dream 
but the end won’t wait 
for no one  
we’re wasting 
wasting 
wasting 
every breath 
that we’ve been given 
don’t let this 
even last the night 

~weswallowthesun
 

She stood on the shore as frozen waves broke fast in her hands. It’s too cold, I would shout from the edge of the dock. She said it wasn’t going to kill me. I hated myself for being so easily persuaded. Her stark confidence nearly made me mad at times; most often than not, disconcerted. But it’s the way she looked at me with those magnetic brown eyes, shameless, secure, like two moons’ gravitational pulls, in which the matter of my bones could never shy away. She’d say, you always have to take a risk or two before you can find out you shouldn’t have taken it, or better yet, that you should have. 

Despite the fact that jumping into the Pacific in the middle of December at two o’clock in the morning was almost indecent by anyone’s standards, it was by far more meager than our past whims of adventure; she always seemed to drag me in deeper than I ever had intended. That’s what I’ll remember most. She never allowed me to sit content, curled up in the softness of my world, sheltered in the heaving dryness of a place that prohibited the elevation of the very essence of life, which is, of course, new experiences—testing ones’ self against the tides of steep and unfathomable heights, to wriggle out of the rotting cocoons we know so well. She was never one to stand in the corner quietly, wading through life on the tips of her toes. There was a calmness in her voice and a lightness in her touch but wherever she went, the dust was never left unsettled.

~weswallowthesun

do not put any frills on the packaging 
leave it raw, and mad, and reckless 
(unrefined, organic) 
do not doll it up with salt or sugar  
to make it more palatable 
to give it more sense 
undress all pretense;
leave the truth simple, exposed  
in good, in bad, in ugly 
honest, flawed reality; humanity 
in all of its soggy sloppiness—d r  i
                                              p  p
                                                i n
                                                 g 
w// “flawss && imperfektshins, cr ookke!d teEth 
and ^^croOked ||fen-cesss||, an a tuneless {untuned} OR(chest)Ra 
swee.t,
s
u
l
t
r

y* 

[#d i sso nance] 

~weswallowthesun
 

what little there is i have
if nothing at all
do my hands belong to me
or what of my eyes, my thoughts 

what little in which i have 
control—
my heart beats on, and on
even in sleep
my lungs expand, deflate 
i cannot choose to cease
i cannot will to stop 

cells replicate, electric pulses 
reverberate below the layers 
of my skin
through nuclear pores, translating
this alien speech 

hairs stand erect, teeth chatter 
prompting me to button my jacket 
to roll down my sleeves 
stringing my scarf around my neck  

did i choose to be born 
did i choose to grow old 
or the color of my skin 
my name 
my hair, the length of my torso 

what little it is i have 
and what good i have, i did not choose 
for if it was me, i would have wanted hell 
not knowing any better 

i have no virtue, i have no love 
without the one who is 
all my love is lust 
all virtue is refuse
all goodness is dust 

so fill me, fill me, fill me 
give me faith, all faith i lack
i am yours and yours alone
a vessel, a child 
this i see, i’m not my own  

~weswallowthesun